Timing

Almost the whole time that I have been I mother, I have been plagued with inner ear trouble.
For the majority of the time, I can successfully manage the demands of our family. But for months at a time, I cannot perform even the simplest tasks without waves of dizziness and vertigo. Although this is tough on me physically, I always fully recover. It is my emotional and mental state that takes a beating. I have gone through the gamut of emotions from betrayal, frustration, anger, anguish, you name it.
Last summer, when I was visiting my in-laws I came across a collection of essays by Dallin H. Oaks. I was significantly moved by his essay on Timing.
"Someone has said that life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. Because of things over which we have no control, we cannot plan and bring to pass everything we desire in our lives. Many important things will occur in our lives that we have not planned, and not all of them will be welcome. The tragic events of September 11th and their revolutionary consequences provide an obvious example. Even our most righteous desires may elude us, or come in different ways or at different times than we have sought to plan."
He talks about we need to not only say, "Thy will be done" by "Thy timing be done."
While we're waiting on the Lord...."So what should be done in the meantime? Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ prepares us for whatever life brings. This kind of faith prepares us to deal with life's opportunities--to take advantage of those that are received and to persist through the disappointments of those that are lost. In the exercise of that faith we should commit ourselves to the priorities and standards we will follow on matters we do not control and persist faithfully in those commitments whatever happens to us because of the agency of others or the timing of the Lord. When we do this, we will have a constancy in our lives that will give us direction and peace. Whatever the circumstances beyond our control, our commitments and standards can be constant."
I truly believed that if I could muster up enough faith I would be healed of my afflictions. This has always been the case, but I wanted it NOW. How could I raise my family? How could I do my calling? How could I even go to church? I couldn't. And it didn't matter how much I pleaded and begged the Lord? He has a plan for me in mind. Mine is just to trust in him.
"Faith and trust in the Lord give us the strength to accept and persist, whatever happens in our lives. I did not know why I received a "no" answer to my prayers for the recovery of my wife of many years, but the Lord gave me a witness that this was His will, and He gave me the strength to accept it. Two years after her death, I met this wonderful woman who is now my wife for eternity. And I know that this also was the will of the Lord."
I decided that if these physical limitations are what the Lord has in mind for me, who am I to shun them. The very fact that Lord is refining me by fire means that I am worthwhile. It also means that I have a lot to learn. I am grateful that I can now say, "Let it be according to thy will."
" The most important principle of timing is to take the long view. Mortality is just a small slice of eternity, but how we conduct ourselves here--what we become by our actions and desires, confirmed by our covenants and the ordinances administered to us by proper authority--will shape our destiny for all eternity. As the prophet Amulek taught, "This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God" (Alma 34:32). That reality should help us take the long view--the timing of eternity."