My Dad

I have always been so proud to have my dad be my dad. When I was little he was like a superhero. He really could fix anything. He really was stronger than anyone else. He had a great jump shot. He could hit the ball out of the park. He had the deepest voice. He knew something about almost everything. He has been the greatest dad.

The picture below was from a daddy/daughter date. That day my dad had stabbed himself in the leg while butchering chickens. He had something like 29 stitches in his thigh and we still won the 3 legged race. I'm just saying....

He has had cancer for 5 years now. I was going to say battling. But he hasn't been battling, the stupid cancer has. He hasn't been sick or had any symptoms but the cancer just won't go away. Not until my dad got cancer did I ever have physical manifestations of grief or sorrow. When I think about something happening to my dad it literally becomes hard to swallow and my chest hurts. It's weird. Because I'm a grown up. I'm 37 and 1/2. I don't NEED a dad anymore. But I sure do WANT him.

Even as an adult, when my dad comes to visit, I feel like it's silly to lock my doors. I feel so safe. I just know nothing bad will happen to my little family with my dad around.

Since I started working for DCFS as a peer parent, I get to be around alot of malfunctioning adults. These adults have kids that are at risk which is why they need the services of a peer parent. Most of these folks were abused and/or neglected as children themselves and are carrying on the cycle. My dad's father was horribly abusive to his wife and his (I want to say 11?) kids. I had a wonderful childhood. I was raised on a farm in a small town. My dad handed out his share of spankings, but he was never abusive. We always knew we were loved. We always knew our parents had our back. When I spoke to my dad about how amazing it was that he broke the abuse cycle in one generation, basically with him, he tried to make it out to be no big deal. But it is a HUGE deal. It means the world to me and my family. We are so blessed to have had him go to bat for us and he knocked it out of the park. I truly believe that he came before us to make our way so very easy. If that's not a hero then I don't know what it.

I love this picture of us with the basketballs playing elimination. My favorite thing to do and still is is to play sports. You name it, I'll play it. I'm still not very coordinated but boy am I competitive. I was a pretty good basketball player when I was young and an even better softball player. I can still remember being in 3rd grade and my mom told me that I had basketball practice. They just signed me up. I was like, "what's basketball?" My mom said, "You'll find out tonight." I was hooked. And I got the best basketball coach ever, Bob Kadell.  If even half the coaches that I ref for were half the man that Mr Kadell was....(I need to blog about this later.)

My dad loved to watch his kids play sports. I could hear him yell all the way across the gym. He drove all over Oregon to watch me play. Even in college when I barely played he would drive hours one way to watch. I think about that often. I always wished I could shoot a jumper like he did but I never managed a very high jump ever, let alone to shoot while doing it. I still love to call and brag when I've had a good night. 

Whenever we can we get together as a family and play elimination. This is me trying to grad dad's ball and chuck it to the other end of the gym. Trying to get the ball out of those club hands is no easy feat. My dad's hands are almost as thick as they are long. I love to look at Steel's hands. He has mini clubs just like my dad. They are so big and thick if he plays baseball we won't need to buy him a mitt.

I love it when I get to see my dad's traits in my kids. Thor's ears, Cash's deep blue eyes (though not as deep as dad's), Steel's hands, etc. Probably best not too mention the faulty ear canals and the asthma. I wonder if we got the gluten intolerance from him too?:)

I pray everyday that my dad will finally beat this cancer. I pray everyday that he will have the strength he needs to stay positive and strong. I pray everyday to have peace and comfort. I pray everyday to bend my will to the Lord's. I pray everyday to live up to the privilege of being my dad's daughter. 

The Bridge Builder

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came at the evening, cold and gray,
To chasm, vast and deep and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.

The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fears for him;
But he turned when safe on the other side

And built a bridge to span the tide.

"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim near,

"You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way;
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide --
Why build you the bridge at the eventide?"

The builder lifted his old gray head:
"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today
A youth whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm that has been naught to me
To that fair-haired youth may a pit-fall be,
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him."

Will Allen Dromgoole

Shepherd's Pie Recipe

People are always asking what they can make for our family when they have us over or bring meals in. One of my favorite foods as a kid was Shepherd's Pie and it's normally gluten free. I'm so glad we got reintroduced. If you are trying to go gluten free this is an easy, cheap and comforting meal that the whole family will love. I usually double the recipe and make an extra pan to have for breakfast and after school snacks.

Shepherd's Pie

Put a pot of water on the stove to boil. Scrub 6-9 potatoes and slice about an inch thick. Place these in the boiling water to cook. While you are doing this work on the hamburger mixture.

Brown a pound of hamburger (I raided my parent's organic beef) with a chopped onion. Add a handful of seasoning salt of your choice and 1 t of pepper. Once the hamburger is browned, add a can of corn, a can of green beans and a can of tomato sauce. Take off heat.  

Heat the oven to 375.

Your potatoes are done if they are soft when you stick a fork in them. Drain off the water and add about a cup of chicken broth. Mash up your potatoes with a large fork or you can use an electric mixer but I like my potatoes chunky.

Dump the hamburger mixture into the bottom of a 9 by 11 cake pan. Spread it out evenly. Then drop the mashed potatoes by spoonful onto the hamburger. 

Spread the potatoes out smoothly.

 Then top with your favorite kind of cheese. Note: Gluten intolerance and lactose intolerance go hand in hand. I try to keep dairy out of the house too but sometimes you just need cheese.

Cook the casserole until the cheese is all the way melted. 

 Serve while warm.

Gluten Free Snickerdoodles Recipe

Gluten Free Snickerdoodles

Preheat oven to 400. Combine 3/4 C sugar and 1/2 C softened butter. Add 1 1/3 C gluten free flours, (I used 1/2 C cornstarch, 1/2 C tapioca flour and 1/3 C potato starch.) 1 egg, 1 t cream of tartar, 1/2 t baking soda, 1/2 t vanilla, 1/4 t salt. 1 t xanthan gum. Mix well until dough is formed.

Roll into walnut sized balls. Roll these balls in cinnamon sugar mix (3 T sugar + 1 T cinnamon). Place these well spaced on your cookie sheet. Warning: these spread quite a bit.

Cook for 10 minutes or until tops are slightly browned. Let cool.

Kids Sports

Warning: This post is a vent.
My son Thor is the nicest kid. He is respectful, mostly obedient, kind, compassionate and goofy. I, of course, think he's the best. When I feel that my kids have been wronged or treated badly I want to rip the offenders face off. Even if the offender is my other kid. I have a really hard time letting natural consequences take their course. 
My kids play sports mostly because I grew up playing sports. They were an awesome outlet for me and I had spectacular coaches. We have coached our kids sports because we realized early on that great coaches are hard to come by. Not that we think we're great, but we are fair and enthusiastic. We have coached Cash in soccer for 3 years. This is our last year because we are not soccer players and Cash is outgrowing us. We could coach basketball forever but our older kids don't really love it, we'll see (fingers crossed). Thor started playing lacrosse a couple of years ago. This sport is totally foreign to us so we can't coach. This is why Thor got downhearted this weekend and I am obsessing.
Thor had his first lacrosse game of the season this weekend and played like 3 minutes out of the whole game. He's 10. Seriously?! I haven't seen him this sad in a long time. The poor little guy was holding back the tears really well which meant I couldn't cry even though I felt like it too. Trav chatted with him on the way home. Trav was feeling him out on how he felt about lacrosse. He offered to pay him $100 to quit right then. Thor wouldn't do it. He really loves lacrosse. When he got home I asked how it went as he headed up the stairs. All he said was that he didn't get to play much. When I probed I learned he doesn't even get scrimmage time at practice. 
So I wasted no time in emailing the coach to ask if we are wasting out time in this lacrosse endeavor. Thor practices 3 times a week and has to be to the games an hour early every Saturday. Our family time is important so we sacrificing too so he can play. I tried to be kind and give this guy (whom I now hate) the benefit of the doubt even though I wanted to drive to his house (if I knew where he lived) and at least slash his tires. He expained that he is trying to balance winning and playing time. He said it was an oversight that Thor wasn't scrimmaging at practice and that he was trying to remedy that. This guy is giving up his time too and he has a lot of kids on the team. 
My problem is this. Do the kids really care who wins or do they care if they play? Thor didn't bring up once that they won. As a coach, I always feel like it's my responsibility to make sure the kids have a great time and that they learn some skills and gain a love of the sport. I don't coach college or competition level, obviously. But what is youth sports for? There are so many wonderful things that my coaches taught me and  a lot wasn't about the sport they taught. When did we get so obsessed with winning that it gets in the way of humanity? When a boy gets his heart broken is it worth it if we win?
What about the boys that get to play and then next year decide they don't like lacrosse or they are better at basketball? I grew like 10 inches my sophomore year. I went from a point guard to a power forward in one year. I could barely walk without falling over and most of the skills I had worked on for 7 years were not longer required and I needed new ones. I sat the bench for a year or two. But I worked by buns off and my senior year I was a starter and I got a scholarship to play ball in college. Some of the girls that played over me quit for various reasons. A lot of them sat while I played my senior year. How can we tell who is going to be great and who peaked early when these kids are 10? How can we tell who wants it bad enough? How can we rule anyone out? This is how I think.
When is it worth it to win at all costs? What does this teach this boy? I'm trying to raise a great man who will be a loving husband and a responsible father. I don't care if he wins at lacrosse. If it were up to me, we would never see this coach again. But what does that teach my son about life. We always say we never quit. Am I too much of a baby to handle this situation? Do I want out because it's easier for me? 
Thor wants to keep playing so he will. He and Trav signed a contract to practice every day. They mapped out a game plan. This still doesn't guarantee playing time but at least he has a game plan. That always helps me.
I hope he realizes that he is important as a person and that it doesn't matter how good he is at lacrosse (because he's not great). He's so smart, he sings in a childrens choir, he plays piano, he won a chess tournament, etc. I hope this turns out to be a good learning experience for him. Mostly, I wish that he would never play again and I wish that the coach gets scheduled to work overtime and can't coach anymore.

My Baking Buddy and My Chickens Eggs

Today Steel came in while I was doing laundry and asked if we could make muffins. He settled on making bread. I had to today because my family went through 4 loaves over the weekend. We do Sandwich Saturday. Every Saturday we come up with a new sandwich we want to make and sit as a family and watch Pysch. It's been so fun and our kids look so forward to it. This weekend we made turkey, provolone, tomato and pesto sandwiches. Yum! Sunday morning we had French toast. I had to make extra because Normandy, being helpful, made the egg mixture for me and cracked a dozen eggs. And then after church yesterday, Trav made grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches with tomato soup. 

So here is Steel with his apron on in his little spot to help put the ingredients in the kitchenaid and crack eggs (his favorite part).

I have a lot of memories of my mom baking. I didn't do alot with her even though it seems she was always baking or canning something. Most of the time I was in a hurry to shoot baskets or throw around the softball. But I can remember her making bread and kneading it by hand, rolling out and cutting pasta, skinning tomatoes, etc. When I was a very young mom one of my fellow young moms talked about how her kids were always welcome in her kitchen. What a lovely idea. It's been hard for me because I was born lacking patience and tolerance but I hope it means as much to them as their company means to me.

Today we used a combination of store-bought eggs and the eggs that our little chickens lay in their henhouse.     You can see the contrast in colors. Our chickens eggs are a deep orange. They get free rein of the backyard and we feed them all the extra scraps that the dog and bunny don't eat. I love the color of their eggs so rich with nutrients and protein. It even turns my bread a little yellow. I love that I know what they eat and that I know where they've been and I try to pretend that they like that our family eats their eggs and appreciates their efforts.

Here is Steel whisking up the eggs and oil. Yes, he is a little bit of a ham. He comes by it naturally enough. What a great boy! He makes me happy every day.