This is one of my go to recipes. It's super quick, easy, and turns out every time.
Preheat the oven to 375. In your kitchenaid bowl add, 2 1/2 c cornmeal (try to use organic, can't be too careful of gmo), 2 c gf flours (today I used cornstarch, tapioca flour and brown rice flour), 2/3 c sugar, 4 t baking powder, 3 t xanthan gum, 2 t salt, 2/3 c powdered milk. Mix to combine. Then add 4 eggs, 2 c water, and 2/3 c oil (today I used extra virgin olive oil), and 1 c canned corn. Mix until just combined. Be careful not to overmix. Drop in muffin tins. And cook for 12-15 minutes. Get them out just before they are browned and they are super moist.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Gluten Free Gingersnaps Recipe
I have made lots of cookies in my time. I love sweets. I particularly have an affinity for gingersnaps. Having morning sickness with 4 pregnancies, I realize that ginger is a godsend. I haven't made gingersnaps since we realized my son was gluten sensitive almost 7 years ago. But this recipe is to die for. The best gingersnaps EVER. GF or not.
In the Kitchenaid, mix 1 C sugar, 1/2 c oil (I use olive oil), 1 t vanilla, 2 eggs and 1/3 c molasses.
Add dry ingredients to mixer bowl: 2 1/2 c gluten free flours (I used buckwheat flour, tapioca flour and white rice flour.) I use a cup of 2 and 1/2 of the other. Add 1 t xanthan gum, 2 t baking soda, 1 t salt, 1 t cinnamon, 1 t ginger, 1/2 t ground cloves.
This recipe works best if you can refrigerate the dough for a couple of hours but I have made it where I just put the dough right in a 375 oven.
You want to make walnut sized ball and roll them in sugar. I cooked mine a little higher temperature because we are at over 4000 feet elevation. I put them at 390. And I cooked them from 8-10 minutes. They come out so light and airy.
Good Luck!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
I'm Ready To Share My Story
From my earliest memories, I can only remember wanting to be a mom. I wanted to have at least 8 kids, 10 would have been awesome. When I married Travis, he was on board. Great!
After I had my first baby, I developed what was recently diagnosed as otosclerosis. I had vertigo and hearing loss after each baby and after I weaned them. It wasn't fun but we made it through. This slowed down our plans for 8 kids but we added them as we thought we could handle them.
So when our 4th kid was 2, we decided to have another one. My hearing in my right ear was gone but also my balance center was burned up so I didn't get dizzy anymore. My brain compensated. I got my IUD out in April and I got pregnant in July. Then I miscarried at 6 weeks. We hadn't had a miscarriage yet so I figured it was time. Then I got pregnant again in January. I miscarried at 9 weeks. Bad luck they said. There was "baby material" but we never knew if there was a heartbeat so I wasn't too sad. Then I was pregnant in May. And I miscarried at 5 weeks. Early. No biggie. But 3 miscarriages is where they start to wonder if something is wrong. I saw my OB to talk about what could be causing it. I had tests. Lots of them. They weren't fun. I took all sorts of medications and supplements. I got pregnant in July and miscarried at 6 weeks. I knew it was coming. I could handle it. No life. No problem. So then I started seeing a fertility specialist. Silly, I thought. I already had 4 kids. I didn't NEED more but since I could get pregnant super easy I thought it would be worth a shot to see if I could actually keep it. I got pregnant on the very next cycle. We had an early ultrasound. Before even 6 weeks, and knock us over, there was a heartbeat. It was early and a little shaky but it was taking. Then at 7 weeks, I could even see the heartbeat. We were officially out of the woods. Only 5% of pregnancies miscarry when you see the heartbeat. We graduated from the fertility specialist. We could tell our families. We were on our way to #5.
I get really sick when I'm pregnant. I throw up. I'm sick all the time. My stomach cramps. I am super light headed. It's pretty awful. But I was super excited to be sick this time because I wasn't sick the last 4 times. And I got sick. It was great. I couldn't stand up without blacking out. My stomach hurt all the time. I was so tired. It was all wonderful. And then I started to feel better. It had been 4 years since my last real pregnancy so I was a little hazy on the details but I was pretty sure I didn't ever start to feel better until 18-20 weeks. I started to feel better at 10 weeks. I panicked. I called the OB. They wouldn't see me because nothing was wrong. I put it off for a week. One day, we took the kids to the BYU Museum of Art, went to the creamery, went to a BYU womens soccer game, we had a great time.
In the middle of the night, I realized that I had made it through the day. I didn't nap. I didn't need to sit. I ate what I wanted. I freaked out. I was 12 weeks. This was definitely not normal for me. When I was 13 weeks with Steel I couldn't even climb the stairs all at once without a rest. As soon as the OB opened I insisted they get me in. Trav was home so he came with me. This was the first time he was able to come to one of my ultrasounds since the miscarriages started. When I was pregnant with Cash, I had an ultrasound at 11 weeks. He was a maniac on the screen. Constant motion. I told Trav if there was a baby still it would be easy to see. But I was pretty sure that there was no more baby. They hooked me up and there was no movement. It was awful. I knew instantly the baby had died. The doctor was silent forever until I stated the obvious. "No heartbeat?" The doctor said he was still trying. Nice guy but just give it to me. I melted down. It was no good. The doctor asked what we wanted to do. Seriously? I didn't even know what to say. He told me I probably couldn't pass it on my own because I was so far along. But I couldn't deal with it so we left. I said I would call.
Travis tried to joke around and said something about me finally being able to cry. I really don't like to cry or show weakness but this was different. The baby had been alive. I had seen it. I couldn't reconcile it. Trav said something that has always stuck with me. If Heavenly Father had a baby for us, with all this trying, we would have one by now. That made sense.
Trav stopped off at JCW to get me a bacon blue burger and a shake and asked me to stop crying long enough so he could order. I did and even managed to eat the burger. Life goes on, right?
I came in the house and told the kids because I hate putting things off. They were sad but used to it by now. Plus we have faith in Heavenly Father. We need to bend our wills to his. A tough lesson for the little ones but a good one to learn. Steel wondered if the baby dies because he hit my tummy, even when I asked him not to. Now I have to console my kids when I just want to lay in bed and eat m&ms.
We went on with our weekend and life doesn't stop because we want it to. Trav went back to work and the kids went back to school. By Tuesday I just wanted to be done. I needed to be done physically. I didn't want to do surgery because I don't wake up well from anesthesia. Trav had Thursday off so I figured I would try the medication to induce miscarriage and if there were complications I could do the D&C on Thursday. So I got the medication (which was the same stuff that they used to induce Thor. He was born and hour after contractions started. I forgot about that.) I took the medication about 2 on Wednesday afternoon. I have a pretty high pain threshold. I can handle alot. But by 4-4:30 I was breathing through contractions. I was hurting. I called Trav and asked him to come home but he had stuff to do at work. I had to pick up Normandy from 4-H @ 4, which I did. Then I had to take Thor to LaCrosse practice @ 5. I asked Trav to call his mom and see if she could help me run the kids around because Thor needed picked up and then Normandy had Young Women's too. I also texted my sister in law, Mallory, to see if she could help because I didn't know about my mother-in-law, Lynda.
So, I made it to drop Thor off at lacrosse practice. After he got out, I got the worst contraction that lasted awhile. I had to stop and wait it out. Then I know I was passing something. This was my 5th miscarriage and I was used to this stuff. I had it figured out. I didn't was to worry my 12 year old daughter, Normandy, who was home. There was no more pain but I knew as soon as I stood up out the car that I would bleed all over myself. I figured if I ran straight upstairs I may not make too much of a mess. I got out of the car and made it 2 steps before I gushed everywhere, for a long time. The blood was all the way down to my shoes. It was scary. When I came in, I told my daughter to call grandma and tell her I was bleeding to death. Not my best parenting moment.
I didn't know where to start. But when I looked in my pants I saw the little body of our teeny baby. I lost it. I just got in the shower and sobbed my heart out. I stayed in for a long time until I realized the bleeding wasn't stopping. I told Normandy to get me my phone. I left a message for my doctor but I ruined my phone in the shower. Grandma Lynda showed up and was able to go get Thor. She tried to call my doctor but ended up leaving a message at the front desk instead of with the on call people. The doctor tried to call back but my phone was dead. I had started hermorraging at 5:30.
Mallory came to the rescue around 6. She helped me get dressed again. But I kept gushing blood. If I laid down, I was alright but I would bleed through my clothes. Mallory cleaned up my bathroom which looked like a slaughterhouse. When Lynda went to get Thor, Mallory was going to leave. Her baby was only 2 months old. At this point, I knew I was going to start passing out. Normandy had to go get her from her car. When Mallory finally made it up to my bathroom, she had to hold me on the toilet. I woke up with her hanging on to me. Thank Goodness she's a strong girl because I'm no flyweight. She got me in bed to wait for Trav to get home. I had buzzing in my ears so loud I couldn't hear anything when I was upright.
Trav showed up at 7. I had him call the doctor who said to take me right to the hospital. He even gave Travis directions. At this point it all started to get a little fuzzy.
I couldn't breath very well and I was really cold. I coudn't seem to regulate. I had to go sit on the toilet again. I asked Trav not to leave me. But he did. I don't know where he went. But when I woke up from passing out, I was wondering how I managed to stay on the toilet. My head was hanging straight down in front of the toilet but I was still on it. Go figure. I get trying to yell for Travis but I wasn't very loud. I couldn't stay in that position any more so I thought maybe I could make it to the bed. I got up and made it out of the bathroom but not to the bed before I passed out again. This time I woke up because I was throwing up on myself. Travis was mad that I didn't stay on the toilet and now I had throw up on me. I just wanted to go to the hospital but he didn't want to take me with throw up all over me. Go figure.
So he somehow wrangled me into the tub and I got undressed. I was okay in the tub. I love really hot water. But I couldn't get out by myself and once the water turned cold I think I started to go into shock. It was at this point that I really started wanting my dad. I kept asking Trav to get him on the phone but he thought I was too incoherent and my phone was broken so I couldn't go it myself. Travis said he couldn't carry me so I needed to help him get to the bed so he could dress me. This is the guy who dead-lifted me when I was in labor soaking wet out of the tub and carried me to the bed so I could have the baby. I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't just carry me to the car. Fuzzy head again.
I told trav I couldn't walk but he wanted me to try. I will always try. This time I woke up to him yelling at me really loud. It scared me. I asked him if I was going to die and he said no. But I don't think I believed him. He got me dressed and I begged him to call an ambulance or a neighbor who could help him get me to the car. He wanted me to help, but I just couldn't.
At this point, I knew I didn't have the strength to make it through this on my own. I didn't want my kids to grow up without a mom so I called on some higher powers. James E Faust talked about our loved ones that have gone on before us. That they are rooting for us and are actively interested in our welfare. The only grandparents I have known are Trav's. Grandpa Whyte died 3 years ago. He was one of the best, EVER. My dad's mom Clairbel died before I was born and my mom's mom Hope was estranged from us. She died shortly after we got married. But I have had some person experiences that have lead me to believe that they love me and are on my side. And Grandpa Whyte, even though his quiet, he's steadfast. I know he was there to help too. So, it was at this point that I called on these Angels of mine to support me and give me the strength to make it through. And they did. Immediately, I received a clearness of mind and fortitude of spirit.
I was able to army crawl down the stairs and Travis was able to drag me by my arms to through the kitchen and into the garage. I made it into the van and all without passing out. I was worried that if I lost consciousness again that I wouldn't make it to the hospital. I am a control freak to start with. I was worried that this was my last shot.
Once I was in the car, I finally got to talk to my dad which really helped. I miss him and he has always been a great caretaker for me. When I was little with asthma to my ear troubles as a adult. But I had to get off the phone so that I could give Travis directions to the hospital. I gave it everything I had to stay awake. Thanks again Angels for the help.
I told Trav that I needed a bed because I couldn't stay upright. But when they came to the car of course they had a wheelchair. It was horrific to try to stay in that chair. I threw up everywhere and was still bleeding everywhere. Travis didn't wash my hair so there was still barf in it. And I don't even know what I was wearing but I assume I had clothes on. The nurses were mean and made me change and took away my barf bucket to induce me into the bed.
I was shaking so bad. I was so cold. It was awful. I can't remember alot but it was 10:30 by the time I got to the hospital. That's along time to be losing blood.
I told them that I had passed the fetus but they didn't believe me. I had to have another ultrasound to prove that I was right. Most women only bleed like that if there is tissue left inside. I'm obviously not most women. At 2 they decided that I had stabilized. They pumped all sorts of stuff in me, morphine, fluids, etc... They said I could go home after I got up and went potty. They made me sit up and they wanted me to walk. I said I couldn't and the nurses each had an arm and pulling on me. Then I woke up with my head lower than my body and freezing. I told them I couldn't do it. I couldn't figure out why no one was listening to me. I can handle alot. If I say I can't do it, I can't. Why didn't they just take care of me?
So they decided to admit me. I had already had 2 bags of fluids and now they were going to give me 2 units of blood and another bag of fluids. I was so sick it didn't even occur to me to worry about getting blood or future repercussions. I knew I had to take care of my kids so I may have done anything.
I started to get a fever which is a sign of your body rejecting the blood so they gave me Benadryl which knocked me out cold. It always does. But it was really nice too. Finally oblivion.
Travis started to get really antsy in the hospital so I sent him home to shower and be home when the kids came home from school. I was released from the hospital for a couple of hours before he came and got me. But it was okay to be by myself and take stock of what was going on.
Thor had chess club so we took him and got me some more medication. Then I went home.
Travis went to work the next day. I got up and got the kids off and then basically passed out on the couch. He woke me up before he left for work to ask me if I knew where the shirt he wanted to wear to work was. I bawled. I wanted someone to take care of me. My heart was broken. My body was broken. My spirit was broken. It was rough. But Grandma had Steel so I was okay until the kids got home. But I was so sick that I couldn't get off the couch all day. I just laid there. I was so hungry. And I had to go potty but I was worried I would pass out all by myself.
Travis worked on Saturday too. I had to take Thor to his lacrosse game. My sister in law Kayla picked him up. Because when I got home, I couldn't get off the couch. Trav went out of town for 8 days starting Monday. I asked him to stay home but we really needed the money. I have issues with begging. I may ask once but I won't beg. I can do alot and I will. My ward was great and brought in food for a couple of days and my friend, Christie did too.
Steel got a cold and Grandma Lynda had a hip replacement coming up and we didn't want her to miss it so we didn't have her come around. I was on my own the whole time and my kids still needed run around to their activities. Steel is a gagger. He coughed until he barfed all over himself and then continued barfing until he got to the toilet. Then he stopped. I could only get up for a second or two so my laundry was all piled up and yes, he hit 2 clean baskets as well as the recliner, the carpet and the walls. It wasn't my best day. I cried the whole time I cleaned up and it took a while.
But I made it. It took 3 weeks to get my strength back. It took 2 weeks to quit crying which is weird for me. I knew I was on the mend when I went a whole day without bawling.
We knew the whole time that this was our last try. I hate to give up but I knew we were done having our own kids. On the way home from the ultrasound at 12 weeks, I told Trav, "Maybe our next kid is already born." We have wanted to do foster care all along. We were already trained when all this went down. I just felt like we should get moving on it. We just had to get our paper work in order. We are waiting for a call any day saying there is a baby for us to love and maybe not give back.
Our Heavenly Father knows us and loves us. I'm not sure if I'll ever understand why we had to go through this. But I do know that I am better for it. I also know I am excited to have a baby in the house again. I really don't like newborns but I think I will from now on. I will put my trust in Heavenly Father who strengthens me.
After I had my first baby, I developed what was recently diagnosed as otosclerosis. I had vertigo and hearing loss after each baby and after I weaned them. It wasn't fun but we made it through. This slowed down our plans for 8 kids but we added them as we thought we could handle them.
So when our 4th kid was 2, we decided to have another one. My hearing in my right ear was gone but also my balance center was burned up so I didn't get dizzy anymore. My brain compensated. I got my IUD out in April and I got pregnant in July. Then I miscarried at 6 weeks. We hadn't had a miscarriage yet so I figured it was time. Then I got pregnant again in January. I miscarried at 9 weeks. Bad luck they said. There was "baby material" but we never knew if there was a heartbeat so I wasn't too sad. Then I was pregnant in May. And I miscarried at 5 weeks. Early. No biggie. But 3 miscarriages is where they start to wonder if something is wrong. I saw my OB to talk about what could be causing it. I had tests. Lots of them. They weren't fun. I took all sorts of medications and supplements. I got pregnant in July and miscarried at 6 weeks. I knew it was coming. I could handle it. No life. No problem. So then I started seeing a fertility specialist. Silly, I thought. I already had 4 kids. I didn't NEED more but since I could get pregnant super easy I thought it would be worth a shot to see if I could actually keep it. I got pregnant on the very next cycle. We had an early ultrasound. Before even 6 weeks, and knock us over, there was a heartbeat. It was early and a little shaky but it was taking. Then at 7 weeks, I could even see the heartbeat. We were officially out of the woods. Only 5% of pregnancies miscarry when you see the heartbeat. We graduated from the fertility specialist. We could tell our families. We were on our way to #5.
I get really sick when I'm pregnant. I throw up. I'm sick all the time. My stomach cramps. I am super light headed. It's pretty awful. But I was super excited to be sick this time because I wasn't sick the last 4 times. And I got sick. It was great. I couldn't stand up without blacking out. My stomach hurt all the time. I was so tired. It was all wonderful. And then I started to feel better. It had been 4 years since my last real pregnancy so I was a little hazy on the details but I was pretty sure I didn't ever start to feel better until 18-20 weeks. I started to feel better at 10 weeks. I panicked. I called the OB. They wouldn't see me because nothing was wrong. I put it off for a week. One day, we took the kids to the BYU Museum of Art, went to the creamery, went to a BYU womens soccer game, we had a great time.
In the middle of the night, I realized that I had made it through the day. I didn't nap. I didn't need to sit. I ate what I wanted. I freaked out. I was 12 weeks. This was definitely not normal for me. When I was 13 weeks with Steel I couldn't even climb the stairs all at once without a rest. As soon as the OB opened I insisted they get me in. Trav was home so he came with me. This was the first time he was able to come to one of my ultrasounds since the miscarriages started. When I was pregnant with Cash, I had an ultrasound at 11 weeks. He was a maniac on the screen. Constant motion. I told Trav if there was a baby still it would be easy to see. But I was pretty sure that there was no more baby. They hooked me up and there was no movement. It was awful. I knew instantly the baby had died. The doctor was silent forever until I stated the obvious. "No heartbeat?" The doctor said he was still trying. Nice guy but just give it to me. I melted down. It was no good. The doctor asked what we wanted to do. Seriously? I didn't even know what to say. He told me I probably couldn't pass it on my own because I was so far along. But I couldn't deal with it so we left. I said I would call.
Travis tried to joke around and said something about me finally being able to cry. I really don't like to cry or show weakness but this was different. The baby had been alive. I had seen it. I couldn't reconcile it. Trav said something that has always stuck with me. If Heavenly Father had a baby for us, with all this trying, we would have one by now. That made sense.
Trav stopped off at JCW to get me a bacon blue burger and a shake and asked me to stop crying long enough so he could order. I did and even managed to eat the burger. Life goes on, right?
I came in the house and told the kids because I hate putting things off. They were sad but used to it by now. Plus we have faith in Heavenly Father. We need to bend our wills to his. A tough lesson for the little ones but a good one to learn. Steel wondered if the baby dies because he hit my tummy, even when I asked him not to. Now I have to console my kids when I just want to lay in bed and eat m&ms.
We went on with our weekend and life doesn't stop because we want it to. Trav went back to work and the kids went back to school. By Tuesday I just wanted to be done. I needed to be done physically. I didn't want to do surgery because I don't wake up well from anesthesia. Trav had Thursday off so I figured I would try the medication to induce miscarriage and if there were complications I could do the D&C on Thursday. So I got the medication (which was the same stuff that they used to induce Thor. He was born and hour after contractions started. I forgot about that.) I took the medication about 2 on Wednesday afternoon. I have a pretty high pain threshold. I can handle alot. But by 4-4:30 I was breathing through contractions. I was hurting. I called Trav and asked him to come home but he had stuff to do at work. I had to pick up Normandy from 4-H @ 4, which I did. Then I had to take Thor to LaCrosse practice @ 5. I asked Trav to call his mom and see if she could help me run the kids around because Thor needed picked up and then Normandy had Young Women's too. I also texted my sister in law, Mallory, to see if she could help because I didn't know about my mother-in-law, Lynda.
So, I made it to drop Thor off at lacrosse practice. After he got out, I got the worst contraction that lasted awhile. I had to stop and wait it out. Then I know I was passing something. This was my 5th miscarriage and I was used to this stuff. I had it figured out. I didn't was to worry my 12 year old daughter, Normandy, who was home. There was no more pain but I knew as soon as I stood up out the car that I would bleed all over myself. I figured if I ran straight upstairs I may not make too much of a mess. I got out of the car and made it 2 steps before I gushed everywhere, for a long time. The blood was all the way down to my shoes. It was scary. When I came in, I told my daughter to call grandma and tell her I was bleeding to death. Not my best parenting moment.
I didn't know where to start. But when I looked in my pants I saw the little body of our teeny baby. I lost it. I just got in the shower and sobbed my heart out. I stayed in for a long time until I realized the bleeding wasn't stopping. I told Normandy to get me my phone. I left a message for my doctor but I ruined my phone in the shower. Grandma Lynda showed up and was able to go get Thor. She tried to call my doctor but ended up leaving a message at the front desk instead of with the on call people. The doctor tried to call back but my phone was dead. I had started hermorraging at 5:30.
Mallory came to the rescue around 6. She helped me get dressed again. But I kept gushing blood. If I laid down, I was alright but I would bleed through my clothes. Mallory cleaned up my bathroom which looked like a slaughterhouse. When Lynda went to get Thor, Mallory was going to leave. Her baby was only 2 months old. At this point, I knew I was going to start passing out. Normandy had to go get her from her car. When Mallory finally made it up to my bathroom, she had to hold me on the toilet. I woke up with her hanging on to me. Thank Goodness she's a strong girl because I'm no flyweight. She got me in bed to wait for Trav to get home. I had buzzing in my ears so loud I couldn't hear anything when I was upright.
Trav showed up at 7. I had him call the doctor who said to take me right to the hospital. He even gave Travis directions. At this point it all started to get a little fuzzy.
I couldn't breath very well and I was really cold. I coudn't seem to regulate. I had to go sit on the toilet again. I asked Trav not to leave me. But he did. I don't know where he went. But when I woke up from passing out, I was wondering how I managed to stay on the toilet. My head was hanging straight down in front of the toilet but I was still on it. Go figure. I get trying to yell for Travis but I wasn't very loud. I couldn't stay in that position any more so I thought maybe I could make it to the bed. I got up and made it out of the bathroom but not to the bed before I passed out again. This time I woke up because I was throwing up on myself. Travis was mad that I didn't stay on the toilet and now I had throw up on me. I just wanted to go to the hospital but he didn't want to take me with throw up all over me. Go figure.
So he somehow wrangled me into the tub and I got undressed. I was okay in the tub. I love really hot water. But I couldn't get out by myself and once the water turned cold I think I started to go into shock. It was at this point that I really started wanting my dad. I kept asking Trav to get him on the phone but he thought I was too incoherent and my phone was broken so I couldn't go it myself. Travis said he couldn't carry me so I needed to help him get to the bed so he could dress me. This is the guy who dead-lifted me when I was in labor soaking wet out of the tub and carried me to the bed so I could have the baby. I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't just carry me to the car. Fuzzy head again.
I told trav I couldn't walk but he wanted me to try. I will always try. This time I woke up to him yelling at me really loud. It scared me. I asked him if I was going to die and he said no. But I don't think I believed him. He got me dressed and I begged him to call an ambulance or a neighbor who could help him get me to the car. He wanted me to help, but I just couldn't.
At this point, I knew I didn't have the strength to make it through this on my own. I didn't want my kids to grow up without a mom so I called on some higher powers. James E Faust talked about our loved ones that have gone on before us. That they are rooting for us and are actively interested in our welfare. The only grandparents I have known are Trav's. Grandpa Whyte died 3 years ago. He was one of the best, EVER. My dad's mom Clairbel died before I was born and my mom's mom Hope was estranged from us. She died shortly after we got married. But I have had some person experiences that have lead me to believe that they love me and are on my side. And Grandpa Whyte, even though his quiet, he's steadfast. I know he was there to help too. So, it was at this point that I called on these Angels of mine to support me and give me the strength to make it through. And they did. Immediately, I received a clearness of mind and fortitude of spirit.
I was able to army crawl down the stairs and Travis was able to drag me by my arms to through the kitchen and into the garage. I made it into the van and all without passing out. I was worried that if I lost consciousness again that I wouldn't make it to the hospital. I am a control freak to start with. I was worried that this was my last shot.
Once I was in the car, I finally got to talk to my dad which really helped. I miss him and he has always been a great caretaker for me. When I was little with asthma to my ear troubles as a adult. But I had to get off the phone so that I could give Travis directions to the hospital. I gave it everything I had to stay awake. Thanks again Angels for the help.
I told Trav that I needed a bed because I couldn't stay upright. But when they came to the car of course they had a wheelchair. It was horrific to try to stay in that chair. I threw up everywhere and was still bleeding everywhere. Travis didn't wash my hair so there was still barf in it. And I don't even know what I was wearing but I assume I had clothes on. The nurses were mean and made me change and took away my barf bucket to induce me into the bed.
I was shaking so bad. I was so cold. It was awful. I can't remember alot but it was 10:30 by the time I got to the hospital. That's along time to be losing blood.
I told them that I had passed the fetus but they didn't believe me. I had to have another ultrasound to prove that I was right. Most women only bleed like that if there is tissue left inside. I'm obviously not most women. At 2 they decided that I had stabilized. They pumped all sorts of stuff in me, morphine, fluids, etc... They said I could go home after I got up and went potty. They made me sit up and they wanted me to walk. I said I couldn't and the nurses each had an arm and pulling on me. Then I woke up with my head lower than my body and freezing. I told them I couldn't do it. I couldn't figure out why no one was listening to me. I can handle alot. If I say I can't do it, I can't. Why didn't they just take care of me?
So they decided to admit me. I had already had 2 bags of fluids and now they were going to give me 2 units of blood and another bag of fluids. I was so sick it didn't even occur to me to worry about getting blood or future repercussions. I knew I had to take care of my kids so I may have done anything.
I started to get a fever which is a sign of your body rejecting the blood so they gave me Benadryl which knocked me out cold. It always does. But it was really nice too. Finally oblivion.
Travis started to get really antsy in the hospital so I sent him home to shower and be home when the kids came home from school. I was released from the hospital for a couple of hours before he came and got me. But it was okay to be by myself and take stock of what was going on.
Thor had chess club so we took him and got me some more medication. Then I went home.
Travis went to work the next day. I got up and got the kids off and then basically passed out on the couch. He woke me up before he left for work to ask me if I knew where the shirt he wanted to wear to work was. I bawled. I wanted someone to take care of me. My heart was broken. My body was broken. My spirit was broken. It was rough. But Grandma had Steel so I was okay until the kids got home. But I was so sick that I couldn't get off the couch all day. I just laid there. I was so hungry. And I had to go potty but I was worried I would pass out all by myself.
Travis worked on Saturday too. I had to take Thor to his lacrosse game. My sister in law Kayla picked him up. Because when I got home, I couldn't get off the couch. Trav went out of town for 8 days starting Monday. I asked him to stay home but we really needed the money. I have issues with begging. I may ask once but I won't beg. I can do alot and I will. My ward was great and brought in food for a couple of days and my friend, Christie did too.
Steel got a cold and Grandma Lynda had a hip replacement coming up and we didn't want her to miss it so we didn't have her come around. I was on my own the whole time and my kids still needed run around to their activities. Steel is a gagger. He coughed until he barfed all over himself and then continued barfing until he got to the toilet. Then he stopped. I could only get up for a second or two so my laundry was all piled up and yes, he hit 2 clean baskets as well as the recliner, the carpet and the walls. It wasn't my best day. I cried the whole time I cleaned up and it took a while.
But I made it. It took 3 weeks to get my strength back. It took 2 weeks to quit crying which is weird for me. I knew I was on the mend when I went a whole day without bawling.
We knew the whole time that this was our last try. I hate to give up but I knew we were done having our own kids. On the way home from the ultrasound at 12 weeks, I told Trav, "Maybe our next kid is already born." We have wanted to do foster care all along. We were already trained when all this went down. I just felt like we should get moving on it. We just had to get our paper work in order. We are waiting for a call any day saying there is a baby for us to love and maybe not give back.
Our Heavenly Father knows us and loves us. I'm not sure if I'll ever understand why we had to go through this. But I do know that I am better for it. I also know I am excited to have a baby in the house again. I really don't like newborns but I think I will from now on. I will put my trust in Heavenly Father who strengthens me.
Gluten Free Sandwich Bread
I recently got asked to make the sacrament bread for all the people with allergies in our ward. There are only 3 families. But we needed to have bread for people with allergies to gluten, corn, soy, nuts, dairy and I could only use organic eggs. Here is the recipe I used:
I preheat the oven to 375.
First I proof the yeast. I get the water as hot as I can from the tap. 1 1/8 cup of water. Then I add 1 tsp of brown sugar and a packet (about 2 1/2 t) of yeast. I let this sit while I get the rest of the ingredients ready.
Next I add the flours to my Kitchenaid. I use 3 1/4 cups of gluten free flours. The ones I needed for this batch were tapioca flour, brown rice flour and sorghum flour. (Sorghum flour is great because it is sweet and this recipe doesn't have alot of sugar in it.) I add about 1 c of 2 and 1 1/2 c of the other. Then you add 3 1/2 t xanthan gum, 1/4 t creme of tartar and 1 1/2 t salt. Next add 3 T brown sugar. Mix all the dry ingredients together.
In another bowl, mix 3 eggs and 3 T vegetable oil (I use olive oil). Use a whisk and make sure it's well blended. I add this egg mix to the dry with the proofed yeast. I mix them together really well with my paddle. This dough is sticky. You can't really handle it with your hands. I spray my bread pan with olive oil pan spray. Then I spoon out the dough with the spatula. I still haven't figured out how to make the bread pretty but I try to smooth it out as much as possible.
Then I place a wet dish towel over the bread dough and put it in the oven. Turn off the oven and let the bread raise. I have learned that it's not so much a time thing as what the bread does. So leave it in until it's raised to where you want it. Then I take off the towel and put the oven at 375 again. Last time I cooked the bread for 30 minutes and it came out really moist. I looked like actual bread. I have been super happy with this recipe. It slices thin and doesn't crumble. There's not alot of flavor. Last time I added honey.
You really can use any gluten free flours that you want like quinoa, buckwheat, white rice, sweet rice, cornstarch, corn flour, etc... But I'm careful of the corn because most of it is gmo.
Good luck with the bread. It took me 6 years to get it right.
I preheat the oven to 375.
First I proof the yeast. I get the water as hot as I can from the tap. 1 1/8 cup of water. Then I add 1 tsp of brown sugar and a packet (about 2 1/2 t) of yeast. I let this sit while I get the rest of the ingredients ready.
Next I add the flours to my Kitchenaid. I use 3 1/4 cups of gluten free flours. The ones I needed for this batch were tapioca flour, brown rice flour and sorghum flour. (Sorghum flour is great because it is sweet and this recipe doesn't have alot of sugar in it.) I add about 1 c of 2 and 1 1/2 c of the other. Then you add 3 1/2 t xanthan gum, 1/4 t creme of tartar and 1 1/2 t salt. Next add 3 T brown sugar. Mix all the dry ingredients together.
In another bowl, mix 3 eggs and 3 T vegetable oil (I use olive oil). Use a whisk and make sure it's well blended. I add this egg mix to the dry with the proofed yeast. I mix them together really well with my paddle. This dough is sticky. You can't really handle it with your hands. I spray my bread pan with olive oil pan spray. Then I spoon out the dough with the spatula. I still haven't figured out how to make the bread pretty but I try to smooth it out as much as possible.
Then I place a wet dish towel over the bread dough and put it in the oven. Turn off the oven and let the bread raise. I have learned that it's not so much a time thing as what the bread does. So leave it in until it's raised to where you want it. Then I take off the towel and put the oven at 375 again. Last time I cooked the bread for 30 minutes and it came out really moist. I looked like actual bread. I have been super happy with this recipe. It slices thin and doesn't crumble. There's not alot of flavor. Last time I added honey.
You really can use any gluten free flours that you want like quinoa, buckwheat, white rice, sweet rice, cornstarch, corn flour, etc... But I'm careful of the corn because most of it is gmo.
Good luck with the bread. It took me 6 years to get it right.
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