My son Steel is just a joy. He's so sweet and kind and so much fun. I love having him around. I just enjoy being with him so much.
Friday morning, I wondered if I would every get to see him again.
I was playing basketball at a church building. I have done this off and one for years. Steel has come with numerous times before and he knows the drill. He can't leave the gym unless he tells me. I am paranoid of losing sight of my kids. I had been playing for a while when Steel needed to go to the restroom. So we went and he had to wash his hands three times because he could do it by himself and I was trying to help him. And then he had to get the paper towels by himself, one for him and one for me.
I took him back in the gym and then got down to playing ball again. When there was a break, I went to the stage to check in on him. Lo and behold he wasn't there. So I figured he must have gone out and gotten a drink even though he knows he's not supposed to. Nope. Then one of the other moms noticed that I was looking, she asked if I lost a kid and then started looking too. I was okay. I figured he was somewhere in the halls or one of the classrooms. Maybe he went looking for the nursery. At one of the other churches I've played at the nursery was across the hall from the gym and the kids would play with toys there. But Steel in not adventurous. He really likes to be by me. He follows me from one room to the next when we are home. Soon all the moms are looking and we're not finding him. These other moms have been playing ball for over 10 years and have had little kids get lost before but they said they usually find them in a couple of minutes. When they started to get scared, that made me even more worried. This hasn't happened before?
I thought about our little trip to the bathroom and how independent he is and how much I love him and I wondered if that was the last time I would see him. I wondered if this was the moment when my life would change forever. I know there are moms that never get to see their kids again. Was I going to be one of them? Was there anything I could do?
I've heard horror stories of predators targeting LDS churches because there are so many kids and moms are distracted. So, even though I was trying to stay calm, I was wondering if I should assume the worst. I went to the Family History Center and enlisted their help. By now, I'm crying but still trying to hold it together. Every time I go into the gym and no one has found him, I get a little sicker and sicker. One of the moms is getting in her car to drive around and see if he escaped. But I know that doesn't sound like Steel at all. So after 15 minutes or so I decide to call the police. Steel is so articulate and fearless it never crossed my mind that he would be in the building, hearing me call him and not respond. I figured he couldn't get out of a room he went in or he had been taken. Never once did I think he would be HIDING from me.
The operator at 911 was super calm. She really annoyed me with not showing any urgency. But her calmness made a corner of my mind think, okay, she's seen this before, she's not worried. He's probably still here. So I gave her my location and Steel's description and she said stay put and an officer would be there soon. Brown hoodie, blue jeans, crocs, short dark blonde hair, scar under his left eye. I walked to the other side of the building and he drove up. I didn't even have time to call Travis and tell him I lost our son before he showed up. I was still on the phone with him and he said he'd be there asap.
The police officer was very calm. He said there were more police on their way to help search and we could get the fire department to come help too. He said they would search the building first and then expand. So I asked them to please hurry. He asked the other moms to set up post at each of the outside doors so that we would know who was coming and going. I figured I may as well look some more. I had been praying this whole time. Trav said I was freaking out but he has not idea to what extent I can go. That was me being calm! So, I said one more prayer, this time I asked Heavenly Father that if Steel was still in the building that I would be able to find him before this turned into a circus.
So the first hallway I came to was the one that had the stairs that led onto the stage. I took a left and looked in the classroom at the base of the stairs and then I looked in the classroom at the top of the stairs. Then I started onto the stage and I looked to my right and I saw a fat, little hand sticking out from under the curtains. There was a brown cuff on the wrists. But another little boy had a brown hoodie on too. So I figured it was that little boy because he was on the stage the last time I saw him. But I ripped the curtain off the kid and it was Steel. The turkey. I fell on the ground and grabbed him and hugged him and bawled and bawled and bawled. It probably took me over 5 minutes to even be able to talk to the police officer. I know he was standing there watching me. I had to call Trav. HELLOOOOO? That's what he said. I told him I found him and that he was hiding. He said did you spank him? No, I'm too busy loving on him. Oh, okay! I guess I'll go back to work.
I had to apologize to the police officer. But he said never to feel bad. That's what he's there for. And there would have been 15 others there in 3-5 minutes to help look.
So, I can be cynical about law enforcement because I think that most traffic tickets are silly and that's most of the public's association with them. But I was so glad to have this guy on my side and to be able to use their expertise and manpower if I had needed it. I thanked all the moms and apologized. They were so nice.
I never could get Steel to explain to me what he was thinking. Why he was hiding in the curtains when we were all looking for him? Why didn't he answer when we called him? I never once thought he was hiding from me. Not once! Other peoples kids do that, not mine. He did say once that he was playing hide and seek and I told him it only works if the other person knows you're hiding.
So, now we've talked (about 100 times) about what we do when someone says, Steel where are you? "I will say right here." And we've talked (about 100 times) about how we never hide from Mama. That Mama gets sick and hurt when she can't find her kids.
So that was my morning Friday. Then I had 15 minutes to go meet my client that I peer parent. I was still shaky and my eyes were still red but I think it went well. We talked about reflective listening. Life goes on.
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